The Nutshack: The Amazing Plan
by SurfShuckTitto
Summary: Phil and Jack teach the gangsters of LA how to stand up against a very vile corperation. Funny and inspiring story.


(a.n.: Yo homiez! dis is 4 da gangstas chillin round LA! I hope this tale makes ya LIT like a lightbulb… If ya know what I mean!)

"RUN FUR YOUR FUCKIN LIFES EVERYBODY!" phil yelled as he darted across the rooftops. jack was behind him, and in purrsuit of both of them was a giant winged robot with some sort of wand. It fired big sparkly beams that came close to hitting phil and jack.

"If those things hit us we will turn into mutated freaks and fuckin die!" phil yelled. "got any fuckin ideas pall?"

"Why are we running on the rooves?" jack asked loudly, "we need to retreat into the alleyways!"

"Good idea!" phil said. phil and jack immediately jumped off the roof they were on and ducked into a dumpster. the robot chasing them paused and looked around. phil kept watch from the shadows and waited until the robot gave up. when the robot did just that, phil turned to jack.

"Thats the fith fuckin time those robots chased us!" phil said, "its almost like whoever built those things want us fuckin dead!"

"Phil… i have bad news." jack said suddenly. "did you see the logo printed on that guys stomach?"

"Yeah, it looked like a fuckin globe!"

"That was epcots logo! this means that disney sent those things to hunt us!"

"WHAT?!" phil screamed, "i cant believe fuckin disney would try to attack us! i thought they were a fuckin family company!"

"Disney doesn't care about FAMILY these days," jack said, "if you ask me, theyve been pushing their Racist weight on us for too long!"

"What, racist?" said Phil, "I thought Disney was being progressive by having more people of color and more women in their works!"

"It's all a facade." Jack said. "Look closer." Phil's eyes bulged out of his head.

"The last 2d animated princess was black, the one in The Princess And The Frog. That movie bombed becuase of Disney's sabotage. The new Star Wars movies had a woman and black person in them. They bombed due to poor writing. Marvel had embodied diversity in their comics under Disney. They also bombed due to poor writing. Disney was responsible for these, not because of just not caring, but because they WANT to make diversity as a whole unprofitable so they can continue putting out racist crap, just like they did in the olden days."

Phil's eyes retracted. He looked up at his cousin.

"Do you see now?" Jack asked.

phil took a moment to think. "you fuckin know what, i agree, disney needs to fuckin go!"

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The next day, at their secret underground hideout, phil and jack were discussing how to bring disney down, along with their handicapped monkey horat.

"I think we should track down all their fuckin cruise ships and disable their propellers, costing disney fuckin millions in repairs." phil suggested.

"your idea sucks phil." horat interrupted, "i suggest we make fake twitter accounts and accuse the executives of being rapists and pedos."

"FUCKIN NO." phil yelled, "we will fuckin never do THAT."

"How about we burn down the castle at disneyland?" jack suggested. phils ears perked up.

"say that again?"

"Hear me out guys," jack started to explain, "the castle at disneyland, if i recall, is made largely of plywood. that means it's vulnerable to fire. and disney built what is basically their vanity plate out of it. if we give bently a molotov cocktail, we can have him sneak into disneyland at midnight, so there will be less chance of us getting spotted, as well as to reduce unwanted casualties. horat will make his way to the castle, use a lighter to light the cocktail, and throw it at the building, then run away as it begins to burn."

"That's a fuckin solid plan," phil said, "BUUUUUUUUTTTTT horat is handicapped so he cant do fuckin anything and also hes prone to fuckin ratting us out from time to time."

"HEY!" horat shouted, "jack was the one who snitched us out that one"

"SHUT UP YOU LYING PUNK!" jack said.

"If you were nice to me I'd have built you a drone for this mission…"

"What if we fuckin used a drone instead?" phil said as horat facepalmed.

"Holy cow! that is so much better than using horat!" jack said joyfully, "we will rig a drone to fly over the disneyland castle, light up a molotov cocktail, and then drop it like a bomb. what a perfect idea phil!"

"Thanks, and I know just the fuckin person to help us out with the drone," phil said, "ED!"

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a midnight a few days later, phil and jack had parked their cars in seperate spots near the northwestern edge of disneyland, just south of the santa anna freeway and around south harbor boulevard. 400 meters stood between them and the disneyland castle. they had a clear shot.

Parked at a fast food lot, jack started up the drone attatched to the roof of his car. horat watched as the drone lifted up into the air. the drone with its 2kg/4.49lbs carrying capacity was able to lift the 3lb molotov with ease. ed modified the hobby drone to give it a 400 meter operating distance and was also the one that attatched the remote-controlled lighting mechanism that would light the oil soaked rag that made up the molotovs wick. ed also made sure to file off any numbers on the drone so it couldn't be traced back. that is if it survived the flames. all it really needed to do was fly over the castle and light the wick. Then it can simply drop out of the air and the molotov would break from hitting the castle roof. a small camera was also active on the drone to make sure it was above its target based on the lights below. ed tested the drone with a bottle full of sand in a remote place to make sure it worked before it was used in the mission. no one got a licsence to use the drone, but they were breaking the law anyway so who cares?

Phil watched as the drone bomber neared the castle and smiled. "so long you fuckin monopolist hacks! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Jack pushed the button, and the drone lit the molotov wick. then the drone and its firey payload started to fall toward the plywood castle.

to be continued...

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i am not responsible for any ideas people may get from this fic, so GO NUTS! ITS THE NUTSHACK!


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